Christmas is over but check this out

Ok so I was flipping through a Brookstone magazine when I came across this little number...
They call it the iGallop
Seriously, there is no way that this thing is going to work, so don't waste your money, this is almost as bad as the Gazelle that the wack job promoted on TV, you know the guy that just screams and thinks its effective marketing? Ya him!

This is the most pathetic concept for a machine let alone a piece of workout equipment, it looks like mechanical sex. And it costs around $200, if you want firm abs why don't you just ride me?

Two random acts

So I had to run into work real quick to grab something and I saw the two oddest things. Right next to work there was this old man shoveling a pile of snow. Now just so everyone is clear, it snowed last week and this pile of snow was, by now probably frozen solid and gathered around a street sign at the base of the pole. It was quite evident it was not interfering with travel or daily life, except to this poor old man. I was just walking in the building when this all started to take place. Now...fast forward to me exiting the building. This old man had taken about half the snow from the pile and thrown it all over the sidewalk only to throw salt on it. Now I'm no genius but first of all what was the point of taking it out of the pile of snow if it wasn't bothering anyone to begin with and secondly its freezing or below outside, so even with the salt there, that sidewalk will turn into a nice little skating rink once the salt takes effect and turns it into liquid. That was number one, call me crazy but I found it interesting.

The second event took place at the bank, I had just pulled up to deposit a few checks and bam...this woman standing in the cold sneezed. Now I know this doesn't at all sound exciting but I mean this was a huge sneeze drawn out to like a 6 second count. Achoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. You get the picture. No real reason for it, so I figure she's just passing by and may have a cold, that could be a fair assumption. I do my business in the bank to come out and find her in the same position standing there with a cigarette in one hand, a scarf being hold over her face and 3 bags on the ground, by this time it was pretty clear that she was homeless and had taken this small piece of earth as her own little squatting ground. She almost reminded me of a pigeon, refusing to move for anyone. So that's pretty much it....maybe you just had to be there but I found them both odd and funny at the same time. This of course all happened within 10 mins of each other. Gotta love it.

Another gift idea

Had anyone seen the Mag-Lite flashlight commercial? It's quite obvious the folks at Mag-Lite haven't spent a dime on advertising since the late 80's early 90's. Watch it and I guarantee you too will agree.

AeroGarden Commercial

I'm watching TV and a commericial comes on for the AeroGarden, "The garden that grows in your kitchen." I have to admit, cool concept but seriously if you're the CEO would you really let this testimonial go into production...


"It's something you can buy for someone who has everything, because they don't have this."

IF they have everything....then why don't they have it already.

AeroGarden....I think you can do better.

Merry Christmas Dad

Dad Sells 'Guitar Hero III' on eBay After Catching Son Smoking Pot


After catching his teenage son smoking pot, a father sold his son's coveted "Guitar Hero III" video game on eBay as punishment, and made over $9,000, PC World reported. The father, a Canadian school teacher, spent two weeks searching for the rare video for the Nintendo Wii gaming system before buying it for his son. But later, after coming home from work early, he caught his son smoking reefer in the backyard with his "delinquent friends.".In the eBay listing page, the man said he put the video game up for sale to punish his son and discourage him from smoking dope."I know smoking a joint isn't the end of the world, but if you can convince me that he deserves the gift, then I will end the auction," it was reported. The father sold the game to an Australian buyer for $9,100.01.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,317014,00.html

IF Santa Answered His Mail Honestly.....

I got this as an email. Enjoy!


Deer Santa,I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.
Santa

---------------

Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

----------------

Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy, Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.
Santa

---------------

Dear Santa, I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa

---------------

Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan

Dear Susan, Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.
Santa

---------------

Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas, All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa

---------------

Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica, Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

---------------

Dear Santa, I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?
Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santa

---------------

Dearest Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark, First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,
Santa*

Bagel Day

It's a known fact...every second Tuesday of every month is bagel day here at the company. So today I wake up all excited for my warm, fresh bagel, so of course I didn't eat anything on my way out the door and what happens. Oh yeah! No bagel day....talk about a let down. Let's hope lunch turns out better.

So it snowed

For once the weather peoples got the weather right. We got just about 3 inches over night and it was getting a little nasty out there towards midnight. This morning, however, I came to the realization that no more will school cancellations effect me in any way, as a matter of fact since I'll be traveling so much it will probably have no effect on me what so ever. Although the airport is my only chance for canceled flights, but even then I'm sure I'd have to work from home.

I guess I'm a big kid now.

A gem of a day

So I was told I had jury duty today of course I didn't read the paperwork entirely that accompanied it. Who would logically do that!? In regular sized font, of course nothing special is tells us, the standby juror to call a number to find out the status of our standby juror service. Now I realize this number this morning once I have already driven to the courthouse, which I might add was a pain in the ass to get to only to find out, yup I'm canceled. So of course its only 7:30 am and the "juror hotline" doesn't open until 9 am so now I have to drive back home in the traffic I just avoided only to find out that this juror service doesn't count and I am subject to another service within the next year as opposed to the typical every 5 years. Oh and did I mention since it doesn't count now I have to go into work. Yea that's great.

Here's an idea to the entire court system, not only did you waste my tax dollars on two different stamped items I had to receive informing me of my juror service request but also the survey which obviously never got used. But now I have wasted my gas getting there since I'll admit I didn't read the directions in its entirety. That part, I guess is my fault. But OH! Here's an idea! Since you obviously know where I live, and you have my name, how about a message on my phone telling me "Hey, don't come today you've been canceled" or "Hey this is when you scheduled for, be sure to show up here @ this time."

Because the last time I checked a phone call costs??? Oh ya that's right...nothing.

Rainy days

I can't wake up when its raining out in the morning...its almost as if my body knows that its raining long before I wake up. Its actually quite interesting if you think about it. I guess this all means I need a climate that rains as minimally as possible and has lots of sunshine. California works for me too!

The Discovery Channel

It should come as no surprise that I love the Discovery Channel and everything that is associated with it. I'm not sure why this is but I just do. Whether it be Survivor Man, Mythbusters, Planet Earth, Man vs. Wild, or one of my favorites Dirty Jobs.

I just watched probably the most disturbing Man vs. Wild yet. I'm not sure what Bear Grylls intent is but it seems with each successive episode, that he's out to prove something more disgusting. Now he's already been to the Sahara dessert once, so I'm not sure why anyone in their right mind would want to go back, but of course he did.

So far in this one episode he killed a goat and ate the testicles of it, ate a highly poisonous snake, disemboweled a camel that was dead for at least 3 days and ate the meat and fat from it and used it as a bed, not to mention he drank the water from inside its carcase and squeezed the water from the partially digested food in one of its three stomachs, and then caught a frog and just bit its head off, while it had been hopping around seconds before. Oh and not to mention scaled a 500+ ft vertical cliff only to free climb it back up to get out of the valley. So how exactly does his camera crew follow him and allow him to not use any ropes? I'm thinking they have a pretty good editing team. Did I mention the average daily temperate is 130 degrees F.

Like I said, I'm not sure what he's out to prove, if he wants an award I'm sure I can give him some type of medal but what's the point. To end the episode he miraculously was walking in the right direction the entire time and happened to stumble upon a tiny village. Now I've heard this guy sleeps in hotels or basically not in the elements at night, but some of the places this guy goes don't exactly have 5 star hotels nearby.



Ok gotta run, now he's off to Panama, can't wait to see what he stuffs in his mouth in this episode.

Hmm

Someone keeps looking at this page cause the counter keeps going up.....who could it be?

...

Keep looking...you might see something change.

Have you looked outside!

Check it out people...its snowing like crazy outside! Even though I hate winter, the first major snowfall is always something special. It will typically take the first four snowfalls for this to all get old. Maybe this year it will actually snow on Christmas Eve and day...now that would be different since that's almost never happened.

Recent Aggrivations

Seriously people...who wears a USB jump drive around their neck. Granted the thing comes with it in the packaging....but its almost an unspoken rule...you're not supposed to use it.

Or is that just me?

You're kidding me right....

No words can describe her....




Just please don't turn into Britney

Gas Prices

People, what is the deal with the price of gas. I can remember growing up over summer vacation driving around with the parents and seeing prices of $0.88...no joke. Which would mean my 20 gallon tank to fill from completely empty would cost me a bank busting $17.80. Nowadays its costing me $52.00 to fill my tank at some absurd value of somewhere around $3.00 a gallon.

C level execs of major oil companies are still reporting huge profits year in and out and yet not much is being done about. Not to mention people trading on the future's market making boatloads.

I'm just glad I don't have a car that 'requires' premium...poor saps.

Michael Scott everybody...

“Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you, and that she was better than all the other hoes in the world... and then... then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'.”
-Michael Scott

The best one so far...

ARNOLD UMECHE
CONTINENTAL BANK
AV. JEAN PAUL II , CARREFOUR DES TROIS BANQUES
01 BP 2020 COTONOU REPUBLIQUE DU BENIN
EMAIL CONTACTS : arnoldumeche_cb@hotmail.com


ATTN: SIR / MADAM,

PLEASE GO THROUGH THIS WEBSITE BEFORE READING THIS MAIL.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

I feel quite safe dealing with you in this confidential transaction. I came across your email address on the internet.Though, this medium (Internet)has been greatly abused by all sorts of dubious persons, but I chose to reach you through internet because it still remains the fastest, surest and most secured medium of communication at the moment.

However,this correspondence is unofficial and private, and it should be treated as such. I also guarantee you that this deal is hitch free from all sorts of hazards and problems you may think of.

THIS TRANSACTION IS REAL AND YOU WILL CONFIRM THIS WITHIN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AS SOON AS YOU RECEIVE THE FUNDS.

I am Mr. Godwin Amalu, An official of CONTINENTAL BANK I am contacting you based on Trust and confidentiality that is
attached to this deal. The Management and the Legal department of my Bank (CONTINENTAL BANK) in a recent meeting, recommended that the fix deposit bank account of MR.Andreas Schranner aged 64 years from Germany,should be declared dormant,confiscated and the depositor's fund sent to the Bank Treasury Due to the non claim of the fix deposited funds in the account on Maturity by MR ANDREAS SCHRANNER in Line with the new BENIN's Banking Law and regulation.

MR.Andreas Schranner,64, A Rich German property investor,died On the 31st of July 2000 with his wife,Maria, 62, and their Children in Air France concord plane { No AF 590 } crash bound for New York United State of America.My bank has unsuccessfully made all efforts to locate any of the relatives of MR. Andreas Schranne to claim his deposited funds to no
avail. You can confirm the death of late Mr Andreas Schranner and his family
your self via the website below:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm

LATE, MR. Andreas Schranne operated a fix deposit account in my bank valued at US$18.5.Million. (Eighteen Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only) I wish to confide in you that since Mr Andreas Schranner died that non
of his relatives has shown up for the claim of his deposited funds.

This is where I want you to come in to assist. I want you to come in as a relation of Late MR.Andreas Schranner, I will
arrange for an attorney that will handle all the legal processes about this transaction in your favour as the legal next of kin to late Mr Andreas Schranner. The attorney will put up an official application to the bank and to the high court in your favour as the legal next of kin to MR.Andreas Schranner. The attorney will secure all the legal papers in your favour from the high court and carry out all the legal procedures in the high court and in the bank in your favour as the legal next of kin to late Mr ANDREAS
SCHRANNER. I will give you more information as soon as you indicate your
willingness to assist me in this transaction.

I will use my position in the bank to get all internal documentations to back up the claims.The whole Procedure will last for 10 bank working days to get the funds successfully paid to you Without any trace even in future
from the day i receive your personal details. After the successful conclussion of this transaction, we shall share
the funds 40% to you while 60% to me.

PLEASE RESPOND IMMEDIATELY YOU RECEIVE THIS MAIL
THROUGH:arnoldumeche_cb@hotmail.com

Yours Sincerely,

MR Arnold Umeche