You've got to be kidding me

I swear this client has it out for us.  How about you take a look at the other firm??

Hey G-Man lets list out the things you have directly contributed to in the last, lets say, 3 months.  I bet you're name got on more things than you really had an impact on. 

Two things for ya bud....

1.  The internet is not part of this project or even project scope, so no need to make it look like you're doing work...the entire room knows your surfing the web.

2.  Wireless does not work from the bathroom....also you office isn't the bathroom.

Oh but who am I to judge.

Question

Why is it that women prefer to use a straw when drinking from a plastic bottle of soda?

Pic of the year

Today's Lunch

Today on the menu was the delicious:

Falnk Steak Grill Special

That's it!

Here's my past two days in case anyone cares...I more or less just have to vent.

Yesterday I went to get a sandwich from the deli across the street. They make a mean wrap...anyway. I walk in, things look pretty typical, 3 people behind the counter, and about 2 people in line. (This is where my troubles begin) All of a sudden the bell rings as a group of what appear to be 8 Asian tourists walk through the door all led by a rolly-polly gal in a green blazer. A shriner leprechaun? Who knows but what I do know was that she was in charge of this parade. I've just placed my order and am standing near the corner waiting patiently for my sandwich when one of the Asian senior citizens asks me if I'm in line for "tickets." I knew right from the get-go this wasn't going to be good seeing as I work at a grocery store for years and sold Lottery tickets and knew how long and how much those elderly drove me up a wall with their inability to place a proper bet, but had no problem spending their entire social security check in one fell swoop. Luckily (well I guess its all in how you look at it) they weren't there to buy Lottery tickets but train tickets...oh yeah! So the Leprechaun yells back how do we want to pay for this...of course silence because their hearing aids must have been on low, so Lucky decides well we will pay seperately.

UM NO YOU WON'T. Ya well they did which resulted in mass confusion and me waiting an extra 15 mins for my sandwich. So long that the guy who made the sandwich didn't even realize he had made my sandwich and asked me if he could help me. To which I responded "Ya I'd love to pay for my sandwich..."

That was yesterday....fast forward.

Today was when I was supposed to have my annual review. Today would mark the 7th rescheduling due to a number of conflicts...hey not much that can be done and I get that...but now I'm just dying to find out what's going to be said seeing as its now been over a week since its initial scheduling. From the looks of it, it will now be at some point next week...we shall see. I bet you're all wondering how I started my day though. Well I was supposed to have a Drs. appt but of course dumbass forgot to delete the old entry of the doctors visit and went to the previously scheduled dates appt. Traveled into Boston for no reason other than the ride, wasted $9.50, and just about half a day. So what did I try and do....well get breakfast of course since I hadn't eaten anything all day figuring I would have blood work, don't want to throw those numbers off! I find Dunkin Donuts....seems like a solid answer to my grumbling stomach. They recently got Flatbreads and Iced Tea...sounds delicious and even somewhat healthy...PERFECT. I stand there and pick out my Flatbread...Turkey Sausage. NOPE sorry we're all out, how about Veggie, to which I responded "That sounds FANTASTIC." Felix was confused, too bad I didn't know the Spanish translation. I ate my cardboard Flatbread with a smile on my face, but hey, the iced tea was just delicious.

I get back to work, do my catch up work seeing as I lost half a day with the wonderful train schedule that for some reason had me waiting about an hour for the next train home. Now of course I'm getting hungry so I walk over to the same deli as the day before, no ones there obviously because its 2pm. Get my sandwich and I'm out...things are looking up. Didn't buy a drink because I know we have water back at the office. I walk up to the water bubbler....OF COURSE ITS EMPTY.....wtf why not...anyone else want a jab? Luckily there are more than one in the office.

TGIF

Bye

Almost forgot

On the way down to CT again I caught another humorous road sign:

Caution
Depressed Storm Drains

You would be too if you got run over all day. You can laugh now.

Just another day

The weasel is making cameo's like nobody's business, not sure he does much of anything. He likes making a lot of noise. Just so we're clear he's the guy who thinks he's funny and is really loud in order to draw attention to himself but the person that nobody likes. He's slippery...that's a good adjective for him.

Oh and by the way G-Man has made about 30 trips to the Munchkin box today....there's only 25 in the box. Of all the people here...he's the one that could use them the least.

Oh its her birthday!

It's a P-Point's Twin bday today! That means cupcakes for everyone...well not really, especially if G-Man sees them...and believe me he already has! I'm not sure who was more excited for the 'extra' sweets today....G-Man or the Twin.

It's only a matter of time!

Got Munchkins today with our coffee for the group. I strategically placed them on person away from him. I'm just waiting for G-Man to pounce on them...I know what he's doing, he's just waiting for someone to pop that box open and its on.

Come on are you serious!?

As you can see by the end of this post, its pretty much the end of the day. G-Man has already had one donut....but thinks he's sneaky and gets up and approaches the box of donuts. There's one left...a jelly donut! Oh he's all excited. So what does G-Man do....cuts the donut in half of course! Just before cutting it I.B. (off by one...do the math) says "Ay G-Man, in Mexico we would say 'Stop stuffing the Pinata'" The room bursts out laughing and G-Man is mortified. To make him feel better the PITA Fidget (different from PITA previously mentioned) goes and cuts the half in half. Now seriously who is gonna eat a quarter jelly donut that two different people have touched!

Hey...there's donuts out there!

G-Man has been behind closed doors for quite a while today in meetings. All of a sudden he came out of the office he was in like a bat out of hell and charged the closed box of donuts....well guess what. There was a boston creme with sprinkles left! He literally inhaled that poor thing.

Things only continue to get better

Last week as a result of UAT we had another office where we took care of training. I went to visit cause there was a cutie in the class...not gonna lie. Anyway this office is literally a good half mile away from where I'm supposed to be located. So today I'm starting to get bored/in need of a break so I decide why not go to the bathroom on the other side of the building just for kicks. So I make my 15 minute journey down there to find what you ask? G-Man just finishing the washing of his hands. Now some of us may say 'Thank you' for using that bathroom and not fogging up our room causing the fire alarms to go off. Now that I think about it as you make you way down that hall the smoke detectors are blocked off due to construction, probably why he went down there and the rest of us didn't have to be evacuated. If you hadn't already guess G-Man is rather large and I swear he does nothing all day other than surfing the net, which has been proven on at least two occassions by management here. LOVE when that happens.

I'm still baffled though as to why G-Man was so far away from here, maybe he just had the same idea as I did, to get away, but I think it was an attempt to make the others in the room he was doing 'work' when in reality he was just going for a nice LONG walk. He really aggrivates me. Speaking of people that aggrivate me...

There's this Asian kid whose always struting around the cafe downstairs. Thinks he's the shit with his shirt unbuttoned and his hair all greasy. Hey kid, I'm not impressed, get a life. I'm convinced he probably uses about 90% of the products this company produces on himself.

Ok so final thing I swear. Now I always volunteer to go and get the coffee for the group and like the good people we are, we always offer to buy for the 'other team.' Now things are awkward enough, yet they continue to add to it. Like seriously, who orders Latte's from Dunkin Donuts. Oh hey here's another idea, why don't you offer to go and get the coffee one of these days! Yes this would require you to stop surfing the net and take a break from Power Point for about 5 minutes...I know hard to deal with.

I have a serious question

G-Man....what size shirt is that?

Boost! mobile reference

Do you remember those Boost mobile commercials...you know the phone service that was like Nextel's competitor for a while that was the pay-as-you-go alternative...ya well they went out of business, yup bankrupt. But again looking around the office today I thought of a reference towards it and if you knew the location of my current client and the situations surrounding the working environment you might actually find this comical.

Hey G-Man....where your belt at?

This client is amazing

I almost forgot to mention that the women at this company, I guess if they're my age you could call them girls, are simply amazing. It's truly what helps me wake up in the morning and get my ass to work.

Girl in the room today is looking fineeee.....too bad she's married!

My job puts the 'fun' in dysfunctional

Now in no way is this a description of my actual job, but what actually goes on around me on a daily basis. Today there was a meeting with the CFO of the client and needless to say the room was empty for a good portion of the morning. Of course before the meeting there was an impromtu visit by the CFO to say hello to everyone. Now my teams stays seated while he comes in because there really is nothing to be discussed with him, other than hello, good morning, how are you....the basics. Within 10 seconds of the CFO walking in the room the "other team" members were up and about - in hopes of brown nosing some more...you know, more than the usual. The best part about this was that "the other team" members were completely ignored and then the CFO made his way down stairs to take part in his presentation. It couldn't have been scripted any better.

Shortly thereafter another guy walks in the room, he thinks he's a big shot but if you ask me all he does is follow around the CFO and make him happy, in one meeting he even translated for the CFO in the sense of "What he meant to say was...." Give me a break dude, that's not gonna get you anywhere in life. For those reasons we'll refer to him as Weasel.

Anyway...he walks in the room and puts salt on the fresh wound, walks right over to G-Man from the other team and catches him AGAIN surfing the internet (two days in a row!), oh it was just classic. Then the little Weasel sits down next to G-Man to further discuss and look into just what exactly is so important that he must be surfin the web during billable hours. Well he's looking for an apartment of course! How important is that!? I bet you his bill rate is something lie $300/hr. Maybe its time they perform a cost/benefit analysis on the importance of them on this project...they seem to be really good with Microsoft Excel anyway, may as well put their "skills" or lack there of to work. The way that it was left between G-Man and Weasel was "I'm still not paying for you on Friday's." This was the first attempt by their team to actually be on site for a Friday, I know this is a huge undertaking by them, because I'm sure they are usually on a beach somewhere...although G-Man...I'm not so sure that would be such a good idea for.

Did I mention for the most part my team gets along great with one exception....every so often we fight like a married couple.

Just another day! At least I can say I have fun at my job!

They're selling it downstairs

G-Man's at it again...

Someone was wise enough to purchase a literal ton of candy from downstairs since today in the cafe there was a candy company selling a literal candy store of options. In the office or "room" today there is every type of candy a child could imagine.

Twizzler style candies with flavors like watermelon, green apple, pina colada, etc.

One of the Powerpoint twins gets up, as if they hadn't previously noticed there was candy in the room and says, "Oh what flavor is that?" Then the flood gates were open.

"It's green apple"

G-Man to the rescue, "[All excited] Oh green apple!"

This is too easy, I work at an improv asylum.

Certain as the sun, rising in the East

Last night the crew went to the Westchester Dinner Theater on behalf of the client in hopes of a group bonding experience slash to get our minds off work. It started with an open bar that lasted exactly one hour, followed by dinner that was actually really good. We were placed in a double box on the VIP level and even given a shout out by the MC of the nights festivities. Pretty cool overall to say that least. The performance was actually pretty good and I will admit I had my doubts, but it was enjoyable all and all.

The highlight of my evening though, had nothing to do with the play, but more the conversations that were happening in and around the large dinner table. Now granted we have many different people from different areas of the world, for example. We have reps from China, Mexico, Turkey, Philippines, and the UK. Now this converastion in particular has to do with a US rep and a Turkey rep and it went something like this.

Background: There was a discussion going around the table focusing on the orchestra and how it was produced and where it was located in relation to the stage. For the purposes of this story I will disguise the names of the individuals with the US rep being PITA, the Turkey Rep being Sexy Man, and a fellow consultant from "the other team" as G-Man. I personally think it was all pre recorded but my opinion doesn't matter here....on with the dialogue.

PITA: I wonder where the orchestra is located because the music is just beautiful. I don't even see a pit in front of the stage where they could be located.

Sexy Man: I bet you that its recorded and then they just play it back. I think they are also making it look like they are speaking and the voices are pre-recorded too.

PITA: [Very aggitated] They would never do that...you see in America we have standards as they pertain to Broadway, it is considered illegal to record music or voices in a performance, they must speak or sing them live.

G-Man: Hey do you remember back in the day that band who got caught for lip syncing...

Sexy Man: [Very excited to be a part of this conversation] OH YES! Vanilla Ice..no!?

PITA: [Aggitated again] NO! Oh what was their name....

G-Man: [Excited] Melly Vanelly!

PITA: [More aggitated] NO! Milli Vanilli

G-Man: Yes that's it...the group who had other people sing for them behind the stage.

Pita: Ya that won't ever happen again....speaking of which, that Britney Spears is a mess.

[End Scene]
------------------------
This was quickly followed by

"Oh he has a man crush on Justin Timberlake"....something I don't deny, actually I embrace!

This was then rebutted by PITA:

"You Justin really is a nice man, he has done a lot of good and he's very respectable, the best thing he did for himself was get rid of that Britney Spears."


For those of you who don't know PITA is an acronym.


Now you may know why I call her Pain In The Ass.


[Queue curtain and bow]

Day-to-day Activities

So as per usual I'm on site at a client, I mean that is what I do for work. I enjoy traveling, in fact I love it. If I could travel everyday, I'd do it. While on site at this client we're with another consulting company that does more project management, or as they like to call is 'Management Consulting.' Believe me its vague for a reason. I'm not going to go into that in too much depth, we'll save that for later.

So yesterday one of the other consultants from the "other team" noticed there were sweets in the room. Well he made a bee-line to them, there was no thought process in that decision, I can assure you. So most people would look from afar and decide, oh ok that looks tasty, or ehhh I don't really like chocolate....not this guy. He had to pick up each and every one and inspect closely, which involved him touching them and then putting them back down.

Judging by his spectacular physique, I'm going to assume he has little to no allergies.

I love American Gladiator

American Gladiator Face Plant --- YES!

It's too bad they don't show the after because his face was gushing blood. Granted he had a 6 second delay so he was catching up but......Oh yea...he lost.

A random sign on the way to CT...

$219 fine for
Littering on the highway

Random findings

Can you imagine having the last name 'Wrong'?
What if someone was wondering if you were the person they were looking for..."Are you Wrong?" That has to be annoying.

So today I'm pulling into the hotel, or at least attempting to anyway because some ass has parked his car in the turn around area and some nice family had decided it would be a good idea to unload their car as well as grand parents in the other turn around area of course dumping traffic onto the busy main street.

I thought I was done with them until I finally got into the parking garage only to find this arrogant woman, the same one who clogged the turnaround came upon a one way sign only to go opposite its very obvious directions, seems pretty typical for a woman of her caliber.

I then get inside the hotel only to find that some gospel choir is rocking the hotel, literally, the music was so loud and people were screaming at the top of their lungs. Guess that explains where grandma and grandpa were going.

I'm out

You've got to be kidding me

Get a life kid....

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/07/17/haeberle.kid.speeders.wdrb

Chew on this

Do you think they reuse the bread that they serve in restaurants that no one eats?

I'm still here

Don't worry I haven't gone anywhere, I'm just thinking of stuff. Not really thinking as much as it is seeing something and reporting back on it. In the mean time, check this out if you're in need of a laugh and/or two.

http://my.break.com/content/view.aspx?ContentID=524088

At a Restaurant

So I'm sitting at the bar her in CT @ a PF Changs just minding my own business when an older couple sit down to my left. The woman was adamant about making it clear that it was her birthday. Good for her, she look about 72ish, and the husband looked as if he could have cared less.

The bartender stopped by after a few minutes of getting them drinks and asked, "Is everything all right?"

To which the woman responded, "What?"

Again the bartender asked "Is everything all right?"

To which the woman responded, "NELSON!"

This is when I looked over and the husband leaned in and said "Everything's fine thanks!"

Life on the road...

I had to do it

Tah...tah...tah he? Oh its The ! Ok here we go...second word....

A direct quote

In a dialog about one of the contestants on American Idol tonight, Randy Jackson referred to the contestants performance as "A Luau that was playing far in the distance." To which Ryan Seacrest responded "Well obviously Randy is craving poy and coconut bras."
Then of course drugged out Paula Abdul responds "..and Simon wants beef."

Ummm?? pfft I have no idea. All I know is that was hysterical.

New music, new artists

I've been listening to my XM recently and hearing some pretty good music coming through those speakers EXCEPT from the rap/r&b sector. What is going on? For instance:

Rick Ross: Who are you? Where did you come from and who told you you could sing...more like talking about nothing. Little background for you, he was a drug lord, not even a dealer...he was beyond that. That's really good to have kids looking up to, that basically says "Hey kids, hustle some crack and you too can make millions from the music industry." By the way Rick, keep your shirt on...you're disgustingly fat, no one wants to see your moobs. Oh and that recent video, (probably your only video at that) is hard to believe. Great you have a Maybach, that means little to nothing as Mercedes would gladly give you one for purposes of your video since they're doing so bad with poor reliability claims. Oh yeah and those women in that video you would never get, I know you hired them.

Lil Mama: Same thing, who are you? You're a judge on Randy Jackson's new show Americas Best Dance Team and that's all I know. Pretty decent show, and for all but the aspect of Lil Mama, the judge's are pretty decent. JC Chasez or however you spell his name, from N'Sync. Say what you want about them, this group could dance and since, he's proven. The other dude is supposedly a "choreographer to the stars" as they claim, after further review of him, that would be true. But again, I come back to Lil Mama....you've done nothing and magically there's a new song with the white hot Chris Brown that you basically ruin. I can't understand more than two words you speak and those words are "left, right." You mumble, that's not singing, its like a female Mayor Menino, the lips are moving and I hear things, but its not English. It's more hood rat, which is what you are. Get off my XM cause you just ruined Chris Brown for that song. I see what you're trying to do, the same thing One Republic did with Timbaland. Except here's the main difference, One Republic was good before Timbaland and he realized it. So did them a favor, took his name slapped it in front of theirs and bam they have a single and everyone loves them. Its because of people like you, Lil Mama, that people like One Republic can't get in the music industry. You suck go back to the hood.

Back to work

Oh I'm still here...

So my back is completely screwed up and I was planning on getting a massage but I think I may just go to a chiropractor....we shall see.

Also I always start my sentences with the word, (if you want to call is that) "So". That has to stop.

Oh ya this too

This was found on a shoe website and I guess he's promoting the shoes, as anyone can easily tell by looking at him.

Wtf does this "doctor" have to do with shoes?? And is it just me or is there something wrong with him??

Rants...

While in the hotel you find yourself watching TV more than you probably usually would. Now I'm an active person so I usually only watch TV just before bed and that new show Smash Labs on the Discovery Channel is the shit. Say what you may....I'm over it. So in watching my countless hours of TV today I came across a few shows.

First up was Life of Ryan which I honestly have never watched....ok maybe once but I wasn't paying attention. This time around though its actually pretty sad how his family has been torn apart by a divorce on national TV and this kid is going through heartbreak just the same. This show is the perfect example of the old saying, money can't buy happiness.

Next up was Rob & Big. LOVE this show, I don't know why but I think it's absolutely hilarious, I guess its my love for stupid humor and the dog Meaty makes the show. Big is hilarious as well in his own fat person ways. This episode was also the Best of Rob & Big so it made it that much more delightful, moving on...

I then gave up on TV and decided to go down to the hotel gym which I had checked out previously, literally looked at through the window. I'm excited for a nice cardio session and wouldn't you know I walked in and it was a time warp to 1970. Literally people, the treadmill and elliptical (if you want to call it that, more on that later) had the brand name of StarTrac. Now when I first walked in I swear if the things said StarTrek I'd believe it. The treadmill needed so much oil that you might as well just unplug it. The bike (which I tried to use) only had one speed which was like pedaling in thick mud (great for cardio...not). Now more on the elliptical. This is like no other elliptical in the world, the motion is so un-human I was disgusted. The points at where it pivoted were just as devoid of oil as the treadmill and bicycle and where your feet went had huge steel planks that like I said were by no way ever tested by anyone who has ever walked. I'm so disgusted because I was on a good track when it came to working out. So I got dinner and went back to the room and started .... you guessed it... watching TV

Next up....Moment of Truth. I hate this show! I hate the concept and the simple fact that it exemplifies just how greedy the American culture is. I want to meet the creator of the show and have him sit in the hot seat. Let's ask him questions like "Do you feel good at night knowing that you've ruined countless numbers of families with the idea for your show?" Let's see how he squirms in his/her seat. You know what no woman would come up with such a stupid idea, in fact this is definitely from an equally greedy male, thats a given. They even hyped up the fact that a special guest was coming on the show to ask the next question.
Like explain this all to me...lets go on TV and tell all our secrets for a few hundred thousand dollars....people are so stupid, at least go on Survivor or something, starve yourself and work for you money.

The host, who is an ass, said "This previous NY Yankees player, now hall of famer...." With that the entire place got crazy and then they said who it was. Dave Winfield, everyone went from cheering to saying "Who the hell is that?". It was great. Also here's another thing the host does that drives me crazy, he makes small talk and then bam right into the question....is that a tactic? Cause its horrendous. Such as this winner of a question:

"Do you have secrets that could potentially be marriage ending?"

After the answer of yes the host says "Now you know you will live with that for the rest of your life and is it safe to say that at some point you will now have to talk about that?"

That's good TV?? Give me a break.

I'm done for now....probably more to come on this.

Oh and by the way that Wendy's in Miami that's on the news cause some nut job went crazy and shot and killed some people....I honestly think I was in there last week...no lie! That shits scary!

The Dirty Jerz

Me and a fellow co-worker have been sent to New Jersey for external training and wouldn't you know him and I almost died within the first 5 minutes of our 3 minute commute. I know.....just listen. We literally have to drive under 4 miles to go to the training class, the highway system is by far the worst I have ever seen...ANYWHERE. I boot up the GPS, get on the highway and within a few hundred feet the GPS is telling me to get to the left lane and exit....ya not happening so I figure I'm just going ot do the usual thing I do keep driving and she'll (my GPS' name is Jill...the voice that is) recalculate for us. She did, except now a 3 minute commute turned into 30 minutes. WHAT!? Well this is because of the beautiful architecture of the roadways here in NJ. Long story even longer, I have to merge on this highway to arrive at my destination. Now its a left lane merge, which is prevalent in MA, except here's the big difference. In MA we have a lane to go into....not so in NJ. Now sure I saw the signs for Yield...they were everywhere....however between having no idea where I am, listening to the GPS bark out order and having to cut across 4 lanes of speeding rush hour traffic, I guess I got a little frazzled. Completely blew the yield sign only to find a mini van barrel-assing its way down the highway, slams on its brakes, lays on the horn and I'm saying..."Ooops sorry gotta get over." My co-worker and I are having a good laugh apparently not knowing the danger of what we just escaped only to hear sirens coming from somewhere. I look in my rear view mirror and side views...nothing. Well that's because the black Impala was on my ass, anyway I get pulled over by a "detective" who liked to hear himself yell and tell me I had no idea what I was doing....(no shit really). I apologized and he said ya ya have a good day. Tomorrow I'll be damn sure to not miss the first exit!

Once in class I sit next to this nice motherly woman who obviously has a severe cold. Have you ever noticed when someone has a bad cold they tend to exhale a lot more prevalently....ya that's the exact wrong thing to do and of course its all over me. I swear to sweet Jesus if I get sick as a result of getting stuck next to her I'm gonna be pissed.

American Idol

Is it just me or are the contestants and their names more black than usual?

No Executive Experience

It really is true, name a candidate whose had any sort of executive experience because I can't think of one which is why its been so hard, at least for me to pick a candidate.

Look we have Obama who was in Congress and who has a mentally sick wife.

McCain who is old as shit and could die at any given time, I don't give him 4 years of stress and whose wife is a cougar, she's more concerned with looking good on TV than anything.


And then we have Clinton and his husband, er her husband, is that right?

That's enough, happy voting.

Real quick

Kinda busy....but get this. On the radio today there was some commercial for an insurance company where the guy comes on and says why they're the best. The guys name...no lie was Dick Gaylord.

Come on! You know that kid got the shit kicked out of him in school. I'm sorry man!

Air Travel

There are certain "types" of people that feel as though they more or less own the plane. Now I think its pretty self-explanatory when they say "tray tables up and in the locked position and seats fully forward prior to take off and for landing" that that would mean....well just what it says. Then why do these "certain people" feel as though they can go against these rather explicit rules. Then when the flight attendants come by and mention it they look at them as if they have no idea what is going on or why they are being asked to return their seats or tray tables. It makes me want to just get up and punch them in the face....or just be the kid that sits behind them and kicks their seat for the 3 hour flight. My other favorite is when, usually women carry on their one HUGE duffel bag, and their one person item, usually a purse, also equally as big as the duffel and then mysteriously they are allowed to have another bag, as if its ok to have an extra personal personal item! Well excuse me ladies but there is limited space in the overhead bins and then you block the aisle and wonder why this may be an issue in the event of an emergency.

Is it no wonder why I always sit on the aisle!? Oh and there is no way in hell I am going to switch with you to sit against the window...no don't ask.

Random thoughts

Is it just me or are the majority of individuals employed by the airlines gay and/or appear so?

Oh I have a question

Are there reward programs for astronauts? You know like frequent flyer programs! I'm just curious because Atlantis just came back to Earth after a 5 million mile journey.

Now that's a lot of points!

Satellite Party!

Let's have a party and watch the U.S. Government shoot down this errant satellite and spend yours and my hard earned dollars to the tune of $60 million (that's just for the missile). China did this some years back to a much smaller satellite and everyone's complaining that there is debris up to 4 inches thick as a result....and this will be different....how?? Not to mention they will be using the heat seeking technology used in other missiles currently, yet they have to tone down the settings since the satellite is "colder than usual." Uh well no shit its been in space for a few years if not decades its kinda cold out there, but I have to hand it to those rocket scientists, I mean at last they picked up on this....do we remember when they screwed up measurements forgetting to convert them back from millimeter to meters, or something like that....yea thats only off by a thousandth...no big deal.

Hey listen, its not like we have a say in how much they spend or if they do it or not cause NASA's a bunch of space cowboys anyway, but I can tell you this, lets hope my plane isn't in the air when they decide to launch this puppy because I'm assuming my jet will be a little warmer than that satellite and I really don't feel like jumping out of the plane to skip being shit plowed by the $60 mil rocket going an "estimated 22,000 mph".

So yea in terms of the party I'm thinking we all watch TV and turn on Chemical Brothers song Surface to Air. Sound good?

Fun fact for the day

I found out today why my job can be so fantastic, not only do I get to travel to sub-tropical climates in the dead of winter and stay on the weekends sunning myself in 80+ degree F heat while others freeze their balls off in sub-artic snowy messes in 20 degree F and less temperatures. I know hard to believe it does get better. My job is completely relient on the servers of which our software sits. If, for whatever reason those servers happen to go down....that means instant break until they happen to come back up.

Add that to the list of why I love my job!

Something good to come of Britney Spears?

I heard this first on the radio and sure enough it was true. A new criminal law may be passed due to the happenings surrounding Ms. Britney Spears. Read more about it here.

And would you look at this...something I talked about in an earlier entry.

"The photo agency X-17 says that as long as the demand exists, the supply will continue, regardless of a new law."

There's also fear that it may "trample on one's First Amendment rights." So to what end will it require an amendment of the amendment, someone being killed as a result? Ever heard of Princess Diana? Right.

Now to lose the demand.

What does that mean?

Chrysler has been running this promotion to get a "Lifetime Warranty" on their transmissions. If you listen closely at the close of the commercial or do any research on your own you'll see that it actually is a "Limited Lifetime Warranty."

Now is it just me or does that completely nullify the whole lifetime thing? How can something practically infinite in nature be finite at the same time?!?

I don't get it

How is insanity a legitimate legal course of action. You know you're going to be supervised so act crazy and get off a little easier than if you were sane. Sounds like a plan to me, um no. That was my two cents for the judicial branch. Now how about the executive branch. There are no good choices for the next President, I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of people just don't vote. Also while on that subject....how is it that the electoral college still decides the President, since we're in a democracy shouldn't the popular vote win every time? Makes sense to me.

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I forgot what I was going to say...

But I did remember one major thing.

I was watching the Grammy's and of course Kanye West is there in his typical angry black person demeanor. What is up with that? What's he have to be mad about he makes more money than most singer/producers, ya I get it, his mother died, maybe he should have taken the first doctors advice when they told her not to go through with it. People with money always know better....at least they think so. So anyway he feels as though he deserves album of the year, which I would have agreed with on his last two albums, not so much this last one, just wasn't one of my favorites. So he gets up there and does a tribute song to his mother and miraculously the next song he wins an award. Now I know that these are decided ahead of time (or so we think) but it all just seemed very staged that he received the sympathy vote. That's not what really got me though, what did was the fact that everyone gets the same amount of time to thank whomever it is they feel needs credit. They always manage to go over their allotted time, but still it is kind of short. So Kanye feels as though because he is the Kanye West he deserves more time because....well its him of course. So he goes on and on and on and then to buy more time once the music comes on, he goes into his tribute to thanking his mother. Now common sense would have said to do this first and of course God, but he waited until the end....on purpose! You should have been dragged off the stage, just like EVERYONE ELSE. Sorry Kanye, I don't care what you think you may have done, it wasn't because you're black, so don't even go there with that one, you're not that special, you can barely sing, you're a good producer and a good rhyme maker....that's it. BTW the whole fashion statement...yeaaah not feeling it.

Tina Turner, although it is miraculous that she can still move at the age she's at is struggling to hit those high notes and needs to PLEASE wear something less tight.

Aretha Franklin....honey please lose some weight, that was a parachute, not a dress.

We all learned Fergie really can't sing without the studios assistance...hmm sounds like Britney. Speaking of which, did Britney Spears even sing on that last album or was it just me. Sounded as if she was talking and the producer was a miracle worker and pitched her voice all over the place. No matter though, she'll just lip sync it anyway if she gets out of rehab.

What is all the hype about Amy Winehouse? She sucks and looks disgusting, please people.

The Alicia Keys and John Mayer remix-esque version of her song was good, and yet I read reviews online which said this was one of the worst...were you listening? Unblock your ears.

I could keep going but I'll stop, but before I go. What happened to the Foo Fighters? They used to be so good, now they suck...that song along with their current CD as well as their last one sucked. Just thought you should know.

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What is going on in the world?

The Patriots lose to the Giants after a perfect season? Mercury Morris still feels as though he can gloat about "his team"?

Natalee Holloway's killer confesses to knowing what happened to her and how she died in a videotape taken while he was smoking pot in a Land Rover with someone he trusted?

Britney Spears is placed under 2 more weeks of medical mental lockdown and her father may be placed in charge of all her finances?

WTF is happening people?

The Superbowl

Now I'm sure Bill will be getting some shit for running up the tunnel....who cares the game was over. Now a few things...

The NFL needs to get rid of Joe Buck because it doesn't matter who you are he will bad mouth you and then if/when you win he is your biggest fan, I hate to say it but I'd rather have John Madden than Joe Buck, he sucks that bad.

The NY Giants did not deserve to win with all the mistakes and lucky catches that were made. Eli Manning sucks at QB and life for that matter and how and/or why is it that Peyton finds his way into commercials, especially during the Superbowl, when he proved he sucked this season...hey Peyton remember you didn't make it...you're living through you brother this time. And when you two decide to stop blaming everyone else on your team or the field when there's an interception, fumble, or other bad play I might have some respect for you, but remember Peyton, Brady just crushed your records...take some notes from him on how to handle yourself on the field, dick.

Also had the officials actually called some things during the game we might have had a better game....remember the pass interference in the end zone...ya that was going on for most of the game. I swear when it comes to Boston sports the officials always look the other way when the games get tight. Well it didn't work this year in Baseball, but they had an integral role in this year Superbowl.

What I'm actually most pissed about is that Mercury Morris can now have something to say, well not really but I'm sure he'll find him some air time to defend why his Dolphins were so much better than the Patriots....Mercury hang it up...you suck, the Patriots are better deal with it. Stop talking trash, your washed up.

On the topic of Britney Spears

Of course I'm just like everyone and just listening to the news/blogs/internet updates of Britney's current condition. From what I'm seeing it all seems to make perfect sense. How would you feel if everyday your life was looked at under a microscope...I'm sure you would go a little crazy yourself if you couldn't even change rooms in your house without the Paparazzi up your ass and having it broadcasted in 15 different languages in 330 different countries. She obviously is listening to multiple sources and being fed inappropriate information, the same is true for her lifestyle where she's in the wrong crowd. This happens everyday to some select individuals who get in with the wrong crowd, make some bad decisions, and pay the consequences, she of course is different for two reasons. In the everyday example, people are not being looked at under a microscope and also don't have the money she has/had. (Believe me someway or another she's making plenty of money off of these multiple scandals. I'm sure she has a plethora of options for drug dealers, where she only gets the best, gets into the hottest night clubs and can take off and go anywhere on a whim. Conversely she also has the best opportunities to get the best help money can buy from doctors to facilities...of course if she wanted it, that in itself is the problem at hand. With listening to multiple sources, it would seem rational which would be the right choice, but of course rationality goes out the window for people spending upwards of $10,000 on a daily shopping spree.

Now with my college degree from a business school and having a pretty good idea of Economics, something just clicked for me. We're obviously at the point, or have been for some time, where Britney is a hazard to herself and those around her. She has Paparazzi tailing her at outrageous speeds, driving recklessly and of course causing her to do the same just to avoid them. (Sounds familiar....Princess Diana..hmm??) The economical driver in all of this is the price tag on the photos of Britney taking a piss in the street because she smashed from the night club she just peeled out of in her 615-hp Mercedes AMG. So lets just this people, why don't we get rid of the demand on the photos, the price tag drops on these photos as a result and the Paparazzi are out of work, at least with Britney that is. There are plenty of other celebrities out there that they can follow, of course Britney is the prime candidate right now for obvious reasons. I've even heard one Paparazzi quit his job (I'm sure after making a substantial amount all thanks to Britney) because he felt horrible knowing the tourture that she was being put through by constantly being followed by a caravan of photo/videographers. That would of course be logical from the Paparazzi standpoint but of course driven by greed they are vicious animals, sub-human even.

Why do I say all this, because she is a hairs width in distance from being killed, killing herself, or someone around her. Just wait, if this doesn't let up sometime very soon, she will be the next Princess Diana. A sad ending to an already sad story.

Odd people in hot weather

Here's an interesting little tidbit. I'm driving back from work today and went right by an area high school. The kids were all wearing pants! Do I need to reiterate that it was 85 degrees F and some 93 F in the sun! So.....when does this areas kids wear shorts?

Status update

Hello there...its been a while and I know that all 3 people reading this are wondering whats been going on. Well the truth is...I'm in a much warmer climate than you. Sorry to break the news to you, but its true. It is for work though, not vacation...at least not this time. It's all right though cause I have to tell you, waking up to sunny skies and having it be somewhere, oh I don't know in the mid 70's in late January is something that just makes your entire day that much better. On that note...enjoy the frigid cold winter back in the Northeast....I'll be joining you shortly!

I just want to complain

Ok so I know you probably read a few blogs like me and you listen to everyone complaining but I just have to get a few things off my chest.

American Idol is back for what seems to be the 50th season and they are as horrible as ever. Let me just go out on a limb here and say this show was cool the first time it aired then they figured out they could get away with a few things and have really been pushing the envelope. Let's take William Hung for instance, he was dreadful and everyone knew it, except maybe him and he made millions. That's all well and great but after a quick million he'll never be able to do anything again in his life simply because he's the laughing stock of well, everything. So this season as was the case in past years, the show has nothing to do with singers, but more comedy or so they thing. I'm sure some people such as all the jocks that come dressed up as women lost some type of bet but there truly are some people who thing they are good and its the judges job to make them either feel horrible about themselves or make them thing they actually have a chance. I'm pretty much done with the show. Next subject.

The U.S. Post Office. Ok this ones great, now as I understand it yours and my tax dollars pay for the Post Office's services and they do a great job.....well sort of. They are actually told to not overexert themselves and take breaks frequently. My favorite is when someone gets injured and is out on paid leave (which is what you and I are also paying for) it always happens to take place on the job....that's so interesting. Anyway so yesterday I had to mail a bunch of stuff and I went into the Post Office but before I even got in there I noticed something peculiar about the steps outside. It snowed Sunday into Monday of this week so the snow is still around. Well the steps of the Post Office were shoveled but only the center steps and the two outer set of steps since there are basically three lanes were not even touched. Just to make sure there was no lawsuit they also taped off the outside steps just to make sure no one 'tried' to walk on them and possibly fall down. If you weren't so lazy you might actually have moved a little faster cause God knows it took 15 people at least 6 hours to shovel those seven steps.

The next day I went to another Post Office in the same town and luckily for me they open promptly at 8:30 and God help you if you decide to talk in between the hours of 12 noon and 1:30pm because that the fixed lunch break. I've done it and it looks like a ghost town, you think they might come out of hiding and maybe help you for the minute that it would take to process the transaction, we all know they aren't doing anything else during the day so why do they need a fixed lunch break? I don't get one, I'm lucky if I see lunch at 1pm. Now I know a lot of people who work for the Post Office and some are very hard workers, I'm not sure how they do this in such a depressing environment, but the majority are just slugs and its disturbing. Anyway next subject.

Every so often I have to drive to client sites and during the morning you get all sorts of people on the road. One girl in a BMW must have thought the 'E' on the gas gauge meant 'E'ntirely full because she was obviously out of gas, I just don't understand how people can drive with the needle on E for more than 5 minutes. Not only are you pushing your luck but if you do run out you could potentially run into some serious mechanical damages. Then there comes the woman who felt it would be a good idea to speed up beside me, cut me off, and then drive 20 mph on a state highway, ya really not what I needed at that time of morning. Then there was the guy in the Camry who must have found it funny?? To watch when I signaled and then do it before me just to remain in front of me. Wasn't having that either. Not to mention playing 'dodge the landmine potholes' How ridiculous is it that after a snow storm the roads get hacked to holy hell. Lastly, have you seen the gas prices??!? Diesel $3.69 a gallon...let me put that into perspective for you. A tractor trailer take 400 gallons, now I'm not expecting you to get our your calculator but thats a cost of just under $1,600 to fill the tank....and you thought your $50 tank fill was a lot, think again!

I think I'm done. Thanks for reading.

Yet more amazing people at the gym

Last night there was this asian teenager who just thought he was the coolest because he was lifting 40 lbs and doing, what he thought were flies, yet since he was doing them wrong he was getting more of an arm workout. He insisted on every time he was done with his set in slamming the stack down and staring me down. Now lets face it, the only reason I was really looking at him was because the sound of the slamming stack of weights was pretty loud, yet he must have thought I was looking at him cause I was impressed....please, when you want a workout give me a buzz.

Next, the gym still continues to be packed, because lets face it, its only the 2nd week in January so those resolution still haven't faded. Anyway this morning an older gentleman walks in in running pants (that was fine) and a collared dress shirt (not so fine). Now lets be serious, why would you ruin a perfectly good dress shirt to go biking at a gym. Let alone why would you wear it, were you trying to impress the 5 soccer moms or the cute girl at the front desk....or was it me?

Moving on and back to work! Enjoy the day.

Another gym adventure

So I'm at the gym again today...really no surprise. Also as no surprise was the increase in the amount of people at the gym seeing as it is the first week in January. Think about it. New Years resolutions are in full force for another three weeks or so and then they will be forgotten as soon as they started. ANYWAY, I'm not here to criticize....HA who am I kidding.

So I noticed a common theme today during my gym adventure. The demographic of the gym is changing everyday!

When I first started going about 3-4 months ago it was mostly your run of the mill population that you might expect for a suburb of Boston. At first there was the Indian family, I'm gonna assume it was a mother and son, the son being fairly overweight and the mother just there because her son was....well fat. He would walk on the treadmill with the incline at about, ohhh I don't know an 85% slope at 2 mph. I was dying to tell the little (big) Indian boy that even though he may be taller than everyone while on the treadmill due to the incline, he wasn't doing a whole hell of a lot other than looking like a moron. Of course I didn't say anything, I just observed.

The other guy.....The weird fellow who INSISTS on wearing short shorts, brown socks, brown orthopedic shoes and a tank top that has a staring problem. He also thinks its a "good workout" to follow people around the gym (therefore he gets his walking in) and also use just about every machine within the building with about 5 pounds of resistance and do one set of about 5. He also likes to sit as close as possible to people. Now the reason I know this is because he say basically right next to me until I started swinging a weight around, then he backed up a total of 4 inches. Moving on.

Lastly, the two freaks who come in with their white "wife beaters" and do the same exercises every time. They also love to stare and for whatever reason will find any way possible to look at me. They'll catch a glance through the mirror, across the gym, it doesn't matter you get the point. My thing is why are you looking at me!

Okay so lastly the real reason as to why the demographic has changed is mostly due in part to (I hope) the New Years resolutions. Today it looked like the mall I like to call "Little Brazil" to me for obvious reasons, but these people like to travel in packs and it really started to piss me off at the gym today, I couldn't do anything without 4-6 people staring at me because I probably just stole their machine. Now I'm one to apologize until they did it back to me and didn't say a word, that's when I became an asshole about everything. One guy from a group of two just thought he was God's gift to the world. Strolls in all decked out (to work out?) instead he grabs the heaviest dumbbell there throws it over his head and starts grunting only to throw it on the floor and a make big scene. This all to ensure everyone knew he was lifting the heaviest weight dumbbell the gym had to offer. Then he proceeds to sit on the rack where the dumbbells are stored and pose. I just got so disgusted I walked to the other side of the gym did my thing and got the hell out of there. I'm pretty aggravated and I'm hoping the gym doesn't go down the shitter just like every other one.

Dear man at the gym

This is a quick thank you to the man at the gym this morning. You know who you are, but in case you forgot let me refresh your memory. It was early this morning and I had made my way into the locker room to store my sweatshirt. As I turned the corner I heard the shower curtain opening only to turn around and find a man behind me bare ass naked. As I turned back to face my locker I realized there was no towel in sight, as I was readying to leave the locker room there was a bang which (unfortunately) caused me to turn and look, to find the source of the noise, only to notice my now bare ass naked locker room friend was bending over....how pleasant.

Dear sir,
A towel would, next time be much appreciated. Better yet let's never have a next time.


Thanks so much,

E $ Inc.